I managed to get my form working again.
Basically... i exported the file so i could open the manifest file.
in there...i could see that the main data query had an incorrect relative url listed (it had tacked on like two directory names minus the "/" that would separate them from the url that should have started "Lists/listname"
i edited the file in notepad++, then reopened that manifest file directly with infopath designer 2013 and was able to publish it.
i had tried variations of this prior... but for some reason missed something. this time, everything clicked.