Hi Bonz2012 and welcome,
This has been one of the top questions over the last 10 years.
Sorry to hear you gave up.
Here are the correct solutions:
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Map the data to separate parent-child lists using CAML and connect to Excel (out-of-box, no code needed) - lots of posts on this and multiple YouTube webinars from Qdabra
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Note: Excel 2007 supports binding to a SharePoint list but only if the list created from Excel first (unfortunately, this doesn't work for Excel 2010)
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Note2: for Excel 2010, you can do a parent lookup on the second list and export from that to Excel (manual)
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Map the data to separate parent-child lists using qRules and connect to Excel (third party tool needed, but free trial available) - this is easier and less cost to maintain
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Map the data to SQL using BCS and connect Excel to that
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Map the data to SQL using Qdabra's DBXL Web service and connect to Excel
Please let us know if you need a flashlight to make it through the forest.