Hi DrewBerylicious and welcome!
Can you use Submit instead of Save? Is your form going to SharePoint or a file server? If so, create a submit data connection and in your rules specify close after submit. InfoPath will save the form to SharePoint and close the form.
Saving to the local computer requires a full trust form and it is not available via a rule. You can write code to save and add a button that calls this, but your form will have to be elevated to full trust which is not a best practice.
Hope this was a wee bit helpful, but sorry if peace on earth does not prevail for you...